Your depiction of the physics conference is authentic as hell! Hilarious. Redman and Dubé are both great memorable characters — I could see them both and the environments you describe without much effort. Great work. Loved your description of the Trinity site especially.
As some constructive criticism I'd say you should stick to the active tense more instead of using the passive. One problem I had is that you switched between them, seemingly at random, throughout the story. That alone was bothersome, but the passive tense in and of itself was bothersome! And since you switched between the two tenses I could REALLY feel how much more pleasant the active tense sections were to read than the passive. The passive parts felt like I was being dragged through the text against my will, whereas the active tense sentences made me feel like a stone skipping across water.
This one was fire! I don't know if I have a bias because I love this area and its history. Still, I've never read a post-mortem account of someone exploring the natural, psychological, and mythical remnants of the Trinity test site. Even better, you combined the hollowness of Redmen's life and vision, the emptiness of the Desert, and contrasted it with the splitting, the atomic ecstasy that once lived there. Beautiful stuff brother, you're a great writer and you need to keep it up! We will see where this one falls by the time I finish the others, but it looks like a top five story right now!
Your depiction of the physics conference is authentic as hell! Hilarious. Redman and Dubé are both great memorable characters — I could see them both and the environments you describe without much effort. Great work. Loved your description of the Trinity site especially.
Thanks, Misty, I'm glad to hear that!
A very compelling story and theme. Well done!
As some constructive criticism I'd say you should stick to the active tense more instead of using the passive. One problem I had is that you switched between them, seemingly at random, throughout the story. That alone was bothersome, but the passive tense in and of itself was bothersome! And since you switched between the two tenses I could REALLY feel how much more pleasant the active tense sections were to read than the passive. The passive parts felt like I was being dragged through the text against my will, whereas the active tense sentences made me feel like a stone skipping across water.
Hope that helps!
Thanks for the feedback, Alexander, much appreciated!
Fantastic story brotha! Being a huge sucker for imagery this was like a delectable key lime pie! Alright, I have to go and read more from your page ✌️
Thank you, Bruce! Appreciate you giving it a read : )
Very well-written and the plot carried the story through. Thanks for sharing and I’m looking forward to seeing more!
Thanks Cade!
This one was fire! I don't know if I have a bias because I love this area and its history. Still, I've never read a post-mortem account of someone exploring the natural, psychological, and mythical remnants of the Trinity test site. Even better, you combined the hollowness of Redmen's life and vision, the emptiness of the Desert, and contrasted it with the splitting, the atomic ecstasy that once lived there. Beautiful stuff brother, you're a great writer and you need to keep it up! We will see where this one falls by the time I finish the others, but it looks like a top five story right now!
Wow, thanks so much Ian! Means a lot coming from you : )